Mastering Your Moods: How To Take Charge Of Your Feelings

John Ryder awakens feeling rested, refreshed, and sensing a calm vibrancy surging all through him. Hopping eagerly out of bed, he showers, dresses, and with a gleam and sparkle in his eye, goes downstairs to his kitchen and puts on some coffee.

Still feeling a wonderful composure flowing through him, he goes outside to retrieve the morning paper. And, as he has his breakfast, he begins to peruse the front page.

The recession is continuing, unemployment rates keep climbing, American job security reaching all time instability highs. He begins to feel tense, and agitated. "Why the hell does President Bush constantly send all those billions in aid to foreign countries when we need it right here!"

His morning calm now begins to shift to feelings of aggravation and discontent. And, as he exits his home to drive to work, he feels the bitterness begin to dissipate. His easy, morning calm seems to be reestablishing.

As he drives to work, he's cut off by a large cargo van. "Hey, you idiot, why don't you watch where you're going!" Now, feeling tense once again - almost vengeful - he's driving aggressively, trying to catch up to the "moron" to tell him off. But, traffic conditions won't allow for it.

Arriving at work, he's still sort of emotionally jumbled from his commute. "Well, what the hell, I've gotta get started now," he thinks with a sense of rushed anticipation.

At his desk he sees a large post-it note stuck to his phone. "John, see me right away -- before you do anything today! G.P." "Oh crap," he says. "What does my district manager want with me personally?" He now feels anxious and doubtful as he walks into G.P.'s office. And 40 minutes later he emerges; the anxious, nervous feeling he experienced before he went in is now replaced with sensations of frustration and resentment at having just been sucked into an assignment that should have been given to three individuals to share. "Man," he exhorts with futile dismay, "they keep lumping more and more on my back. I'm only one guy...what's going on here?"

His intense mental/emotional pre-occupation with his new task workload makes him late for his 3:30 appointment with marketing. As he enters the conference room, he feels as if the others see him as a flake, a "screw-up," and irresponsible. "I had to complete some important calls," he says. And after his meeting, the cold shoulder treatment he receives makes him feel as if he's unliked, poorly thought of, and an outcast.

"Ah well," he muses, "looks like it's another one of those days."

Leaving work and feeling relieved, he drives to his health club only to find the lot jammed, and cars lined up almost to the street, striving to grab the first available space. "Oh no, not again; DAMN IT!!"

Finally inside and changed, he now finds he must rush through his workout so he can shower, change, and pick up Karen for his dinner date. "RUSH, RUSH, RUSH, RUSH, why can't it ever get easier?" And, as he finally picks up Karen, instead of feeling the loving warmth he wanted to, he feels a lingering, anxious, frustrated anger which has been taking him up and down, and up and down all day.

"Hi, honey," Karen says to him with an endearing smile. "How was your day?" Almost on fire, he projects a futile, almost dejected glare and says, "Are you just saying that to be nice, or do you really want to know?"

SOUND FAMILIAR?

I'm sure as you read through John's scenario, you could also relate to the emotional roller coaster he experienced throughout his day. Transcending from the soothing calm of awakening, to the angry frustration of being oppressed, put upon, and forced to wait (and all the feelings in between), it's as if your emotional state is constantly played havoc with by everything that goes on around you. Happy/ depressed, calm/tense, relaxed/angered, content/frustrated -- the cycle seemingly goes on day in and day out. "Well, I'm sick of this emotional roller coaster, these continual mood swings, but I feel like a victim of my environment. It's like I can't control it, so what can I do to stop this damn fluctuation?"

So common is the preceding concern that many of my clients have asked me to devise a strategy they could implement to stop the constant ups and downs (and the debilitating energy drain it incites). Feeling an emotional slave to their environment, they wanted a way to sustain a "middle of the road" feeling and mood style, instead of regularly riding the emotional roller coaster. Not too high, not too low, but middle of the road stable. "Pete, what can I do?" they'd plead.

TAKING CHARGE OF YOUR EMOTIONS

Structuring The Framework Of Regular Stable Control

Whether my clients were athletes, business people, students, salespeople, managers, professionals, etc., everyone voiced this frustration with mood swing concerns. The strategy I developed for them moves away from trying to change or control what's experienced/going on outside of you. It deals strictly with establishing an appropriate, desired mood at the start of your day, and then re- activating/reinforcing it whenever you sense an unresourceful feeling shift, or your emotions fluctuating in an uncomfortable, negative direction.

Through this repeated positive emotional reinforcement (directly in the face of negative mood swings), you come to condition a continuance of enriching feeling to fuel your efforts throughout your day!

This process has worked magnificently for my clients, and now you can use it to eliminate the "roller coaster" and enjoy emotional stability. I encourage you to read through this entire mood swing restructuring process first, then apply it exactly as outlined.

POSITIVE MOOD INSTALLATION

Structuring The Propensity For Positive Feeling Consistency

A.) Establishing Your Target State: Upon awakening in the morning, before you get out of bed, establish the specific feeling context you sense will most directly encourage the type of inner state and behavioral expression you'd continually desire -- the feeling context which would naturally promote actions leading to effectiveness, efficiency, and task performance excellence.

Mentally explore several options here to establish the explicit feeling you sense would most demonstrably serve and enrich you. For example, you might consider:

? Confidence

? Enthusiasm

? Absolute faith

? Excitement

? Success compulsion

? Fierce determination

? Triumph commitment

? Positive expectancy

? Tenacious drive to excel and demonstrate excellence

? Take charge action toughness

? Relaxed composure

? Personal power

? Joyfulness, etc.

To help establish the singular feeling most appropriate/beneficial for you, first think of 4-6 things you'll have to do/situations you'll have to engage during your day. Then, considering the preceding type feeling states - and the things you'll be doing during your day - ask yourself, "If I feel X in this situation, what will be the consequences?"

Consider several different feelings here (such as those listed), and you'll come to isolate the exact feeling which will continually serve you best! (Here, you might want to imaginatively play out mini-scenarios of yourself engaging each of the things/situations you'll have to do fueled by various different types of feelings. Through this process, you'll quickly, easily identify the specific feeling state most appropriate for you!)

B.) Anchoring Your Target State: Once you've decided upon the specific desired feeling you sense most appropriate for you, then close your eyelids down, and recall the very last time you either reflected, generated, or embodied that explicit feeling.

A specific memory will quickly emerge, and when it does, then:

1. Make the picture brighter, clearer, and vividly distinct.

2. Perceptually bring it closer and closer to you - so close it's as if it's right

in front of you, as if it's totally real, and your reality right then and there!

3. Then, imaginatively step into the picture, and into your body. And,

looking through your eyes and feeling through your heart:

? See exactly what you see as the embodiment of this specific feeling

? F-e-e-l exactly what you feel as the embodiment of this specific feeling

? Think exactly what you think as the embodiment of this specific feeling

? Project the exact same facial expression you do as the embodiment

of this specific feeling

? Physically sense exactly what you do in every part of your body as

the embodiment of this specific feeling

? Breathe exactly the way you breathe as the embodiment of this

specific feeling

Next, as you're breathing and reflecting all the preceding factors connected with you being fueled by your target state, firmly pinch your right thumb and middle finger together. Then (holding your fingers firmly pinched), choose a word which to you embodies this explicit feeling state. For example, you might choose Force, Strength, Power, Yes, Mine, etc.

Keeping your right thumb and middle finger firmly pinched, mentally exclaim your key word (feeling its meaning resonate within you) 5 consecutive times. Then, hold your fingers pinched for 15 more seconds, continuing to see, think, feel, physically sense, and breathe in the specific manner connected with your target feeling state.

Then, very s-l-o-w-l-y unpinch your fingers, and allow yourself to grow progressively more relaxed with every breath you take.

You've now structured a feeling activation anchor whereby firmly pinching your right thumb and middle finger, breathing as the embodiment of your target feeling state, and mentally exclaiming your key word activates the specific sensory framework inducing your desired feeling context!

C.) Testing Your Target Feeling Anchor: After you take 6-8 relax breaths as specified above, next, to become aware of just how powerful and deeply rooted your capacity to incite your desired state is:

1.) Pinch your right thumb and middle finger together firmly.

2.) Breathe as your target state breathes.

3.) Mentally exclaim your key word 3 consecutive times.

You'll instantly experience your specific target feeling state unfold, and notably surge through you. Hold this post test anchor (keeping your fingers firmly pinched) for 10 more seconds here. Then again, s-l-o-w-l-y release your finger pinch, and focus on your "relax breath" breathing.

[*This entire anchoring process should take 5-7 minutes to perform. Each time you perform it, you'll become more efficient in producing demonstrable emotional results.]

D.) Applying Your Target Feeling Anchor To Eliminate Destructive Mood Swings: Now you're prepared to stop the "roller coaster" and enjoy an experience of greater emotional consistency throughout your day. Here's how to use your target anchor:

AS SOON AS you experience your mood start to negatively, unresourcefully swing/shift, immediately fire your target anchor (pinch your right thumb and middle finger together firmly, breathe as you do as the embodiment of your target state, and mentally exclaim your key word 3 consecutive times). Then hold your fingers pinched, and imaginatively project a scenario of yourself competently, effectively dealing with the situation (you're facing) fueled totally by your target state. (Hold this finger pinch/mental effectiveness projection for 5-7 seconds. You can close your eyelids down to help here, of course only if appropriate, i.e. not while driving or engaging an activity demanding your full attention!)

Then, when you sense you're emotionally back on track, s-l-o-w-l-y unpinch your fingers, inhale deeply, and confidently proceed on.

What you are literally doing here is re-conditioning tendencies toward emotional fluctuation with tendencies toward emotional stability. You are directing your feelings and structuring different stimulus/response connections in areas you'd have allowed the "roller coaster" to just run its course!

The key here is as soon as you may experience your emotional state shift - for whatever reason - instantly employ your feeling regulation anchor-and keep yourself fueled, and sustained, by your enriching, resourceful feeling context.

The more you implement this strategy, the more spontaneous, natural, and effective it becomes in moving you to generate and sustain positive emotional consistency. (I encourage you to engage this process each and every day until you're experiencing a continual degree of emotional smoothness throughout your day!)

You can and should use this process in every facet of your life where you may experience the "roller coaster" starting to roll. For example:

? In relationships

? In business

? Dealing with family

? On the telephone

? On the job

? In the gym

? Watching TV news

? Reading the newspaper

Take initiative to keep yourself positively emotionally consistent, and you'll forever end those uncomfortable roller coaster rides!

USE IT AND PROSPER

You've now got a powerful method to foster emotional consistency throughout your day. You must use this process for it to enrich you. But very shortly, you'll experience the rewards of feeling regularly positive which accompanying feeling as you truly want to -- all the time.

Remember, from now on, when your mood may begin to shift, turn on and sustain positive power; you'll glide through your day easily and smoothly, and you'll just leave the roller coaster to rust and wither!

By Pete Siegel

Affecting Positive Results Through Affirmations

Last time we talked about how to begin building the mind's powerful framework for success. The lesson we needed to learn was that self-talk has a powerful affect on the results we achieve. We learned that the mind will manifest whatever we dwell on, be it negative or positive.

This week, I would like to continue with our discussion of self-talk and suggest how you may supercharge your self-talk and the results you achieve through the use of affirmations.

Affirmations are a powerful mental programming technique that are underutilized and laughed at by many. You may remember the Saturday Night Live skit with Stuart Smiley sitting in front of the mirror saying "I'm good enough; I'm smart enough and doggone-it, people like me!" The image of this character makes one laugh, however when understood in the context of how powerful Stuart's technique really is, it shouldn't!

Affirm means to "make firm." So affirmation simply means to make a strong statement that something is already so. We know that we will eventually reap whatever our conscious mind sows onto the field of the subconscious. So through affirmations we will develop into whatever image of ourselves we create, be it good or bad. I suggest using positive affirmations to develop into all that you desire to be!

One of the most poignant examples of the power of affirmations comes from the boxing legend Muhammed Ali. When you think of Muhammed Ali, what vision comes to mind? Actually, two visions come to my mind:

The first is of Ali standing in the ring over a defeated opponent with a sweat covered face, surrounded by his trainers. Ali yells, "I'm the king of the world, I am the greatest, I'm Muhammed Ali. I shook up the world, I am the greatest, I'm king of the world. I'm pretty, I'm pretty, I'm a baaaad man, you heard me, I'm a baaad man."

The second is of Ali wrapped in his boxing robe, dancing from side to side before a bout. He exclaims, "Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee." Is this simply brash talk from yet another cocky athlete? I don't believe so. I believe that Muhammed Ali knew the power of affirmations. He spoke what he wanted to be, and as a result became it.

For the purposes of improving yourself and achieving the successes you've always desired, I want you to take it on faith that affirmations DO work. Give it a try, if only for a couple months and then make up your mind whether to keep using them.

In order to do this, you will need to know some basics about how to get the most out of affirmations. First, the subconscious mind does not understand the future tense. When you use affirmations, you should always speak of the present. The past does work but not nearly as well. Speak as if the things you want are happening in your life right now. For example, if your goal is to become the manager of a division you currently work in, you need to picture it now:

"I am enjoying the title and responsibility of being manager for the ABC Division of XYZ Company and am doing successful and important work. I am being recognized by my peers and my employer for my good and honorable efforts."

The affirmations need to be positive and personal! You should usually start your statement with "I." The affirmation should be specific. Tell your mind exactly what it is that you want and you will get better results.

The affirmation should also be short, easy to remember, and easy to apply.

Finally, your affirmation should be emotionally intense! Don't just say it, BELIEVE IT. Shout it at the top of your lungs if you must, but convince your mind, no matter how hard, that it is actually true. This is so important! Your success in using affirmations will live or die on how intensely you can get your mind to buy into your spoken words.

I believe that you should write down and repeat your affirmations at least twice a day. I recommend that you do it as soon as you wake up and right before you go to bed. Your assignment for the next two weeks is to write down five affirmations that you want in your life. Repeat them, at least twice a day, for two weeks. If you do so, I believe that you will be quickly on the path to achieving the success you desire.


By Joel S. Nelson

Anamchara - Beyond Positive Thinking

One of the most well known books ever written on success is James Allan's "As a man thinketh."

This book advocates thinking in a positive manner in order to create the life you dream of having. It suggests all you have to do is change your internal dialogue and you can begin to adopt a successful mind set. After an unspecified time you will then "have it all."

For some this approach has undoubtedly worked.

For many others it has manifestly not done so. There are more books written and read on positive thinking than on most any other subject. This has made some difference to people's lives but real change has not manifested for too many others.

I think this is because the writing of James Allen has been understood only at a surface level. In his wonderful book "As a man thinketh," he writes: -

"As a man thinketh in his heart so is he, not only embraces the whole of a mans being, but is so comprehensive as to reach out to every condition and circumstance."

Note the language.

It is a form of language you do not hear in today's personal growth market. I think this is why it is not so well understood. James Allen clearly states, "As a man thinketh in his heart?" He is, to my mind, talking about clearly making an emotional connection with one's heart.

This is where all positive change begins.

The heart speaks to one's being and not only to the intellect. The intellect is only a part of the wholeness of our humanity. Thinking positive thoughts can go some way to creating a wonderful experience of what it means to be alive. However, being alive is not just an intellectual experience. It is a when fully allowed a free flowing experience of delight.

The heart knows things that the head can never imagine.

The heart embraces the imagination. James Allen uses the word "embrace" in the above passage. The mind does not embrace. It rationalises. The mind operates in a linear fashion. It moves from point A to point B. An embrace is something that encircles you. A circle is complete it is not something that is partial. A circle is more holistic.

James Allen goes on to say that this "thinketh of the heart" is so comprehensive it affects all conditions and circumstances. It is in effect transformative. It changes ones relationship to life and living.

I personally think James Allan would have been better naming his wonderful book "As a man feels." This I think would guide many others to the experience of "embracing a man's being. It would more clearly focus one on the free flow of feeling within the body allied to ones purpose and values.

This connection with your purpose and values at the heart level raises passion. This is the real power that will "reach out to every condition and circumstance." This will be a warmer and more powerful experience than the cool application of simply repeating positive words and phrases.

Remember you are already forever enough no matter how much positive thinking you may apply to your being. Remember that the Blessing is already here and you are it.

By Tony Cuckson

Your Mental Attitude is The Key!

As a being of thought, your dominant mental attitude will determine your condition in life. It will also be the gauge of your knowledge and the measures of your attainment. The so-called limitations of your nature are the boundary lines of your thoughts; they are self-erected fences, and can be drawn to a narrower circle, extended to a wider, or be allowed to remain. You are the thinker of your thoughts and as such you are the maker of yourself and condition. Thought is causal and creative, and appears in your character and life in the form of results. There are no accidents in your life. Both its harmonies and antagonisms are the responsive echoes of your thoughts. A man thinks, and his life appears.

If your dominant mental attitude is peaceable and lovable, bliss and blessedness will follow you; if it be resistant and hateful, trouble and distress will cloud your pathway. Out of ill-will will come grief and disaster; out of good will, healing and reparation. You imagine your circumstances as being separate from yourself, but they are intimately related to your thought world. Nothing appears without an adequate cause. Everything that happens is just. Nothing is fated, everything is formed.

As you think, you travel; as you love, you attract. You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you. You cannot escape the result of your thoughts, but you can endure and learn, can accept and be glad.

You will always come to the place where your love (your most abiding and intense thought) can receive its measure of gratification. If your love be base, you will come to a base place; if it be beautiful, you will come to a beautiful place.

You can alter your thoughts, and so alter your condition. Strive to perceive the vastness and grandeur of your responsibility. You are powerful, not powerless. You are as powerful to obey as you are to disobey; as strong to be pure as to be impure; as ready for wisdom as for ignorance. You can learn what you will, can remain as ignorant as you choose. If you love knowledge you will obtain it; if you love wisdom you will secure it; if you love purity you will realise it. All things await your acceptance, and you choose by the thoughts which you entertain.

A man remains ignorant because he loves ignorance, and chooses ignorant thoughts; a man becomes wise because he loves wisdom and chooses wise thoughts. No man is hindered by another; he is only hindered by himself. No man suffers because of another; he suffers only because of himself. By the noble Gateway of Pure Thought you can enter the highest Heaven; by the ignoble doorway of impure thought you can descend into the lowest hell.

Your mental attitude towards others will faithfully react upon yourself, and will manifest itself in every relation of your life. Every impure and selfish thought that you send out comes back to you in your circumstances in some form of suffering; every pure and unselfish thought returns to you in some form of blessedness. Your circumstances are effects of which the cause is inward and invisible. As the father-mother of your thoughts you are the maker of your state and condition. When you know yourself, you will perceive, that every event in your life is weighed in the faultless balance of equity. When you understand the law within your mind you will cease to regard yourself as the impotent and blind tool of circumstances, and will become the strong and seeing master.

**Attn Ezine Editors / Site Owners** Feel free to reprint this article in its entirety in your ezine or on your site so long as you leave all links in place.

By Carl Cholette

11 Great Ways to be Positive about Change

Look for the positives!

Seek them out - those little scary places that it's challenging to let yourself go to - the positives are genuinely scary, because they give you hope and it's hard to let go of all the fears you have right now - so hanging onto them is the easiest path!

So try letting yourself go, just for the heck of it!

Take that step back from being 'done to' and take the initiative. At work, at home or wherever, this can be a great time, if you let it. There are loads of ideas why. Here are eleven of my favourites...

Personal Growth
Change gives us great moments for self-development and personal growth. It is in times where there is a lot going on, where we have to get out of our box to think, even when change is imposed, that we move forward.


Involving Others
During change periods we can create relationships that are new - and we, as managers, have a great chance to bring others into our confidence and into our network.


Adventure
There is something about change, large or small which creates 'something different' from our routine day. This is pretty cool really. We are being provided with stimulating mental exercise to make the best of things happening differently. It might not look that way, but change brings adventure!


Building it in
Learning about big changes, means that we can closely observe why those changes are necessary. We have to make radical changes because we have strayed well off course. So as we learn, we can make provision to have some minor course corrections rather than completely the wrong destination.


Challenge
In his great book, 'The Inner Game of Work', Timothy Gallwey talks about the fine balance between security and challenge being what gets people motivated. By creating new things to learn, to do, we stretch our people - and ourselves.


Opportunity Change brings new opportunity. For learning; for understanding ourselves better; for new perspectives; for different roles. These can be grasped personally or they can be dwelt on miserably. The better choice is to go for it!


Team Bonding
Change exercises, big and small can be great to develop a team. Where there is the opportunity to work together, manager with their closest people there are often places, moments where the team spirit; the trust and the shared commitment - the 'Dunkirk spirit' even, enables future potential of a team to be loosened.


Honesty
Where radical change proves necessary it enlightens those involved that where they are is not where they need to be. Carrying out a review of why serious change is necessary and seeking the real truth is very revealing. The icing on the cake for those involved in organisational change processes is to create a feedback loop that renders future major change unnecessary.


Choice
Change is not truly necessary. Change is about choice. You have the choice whether to accept it positively or not. It is your choice and everyone has that - believe it or not. No-one is holding you down to prevent you getting away. Take personal responsibility for the choices you make.


Focus
Change gives the opportunity for and usually gets really down to the gist of the issues that have precipitated the need. This is good. Your organisation is realising that things need to be different, for all sorts of reasons, but usually for the health of the organisation and that means you, usually. For some it may mean loss of role, status and even job - now what positive opportunity does that bring!


Passion
And finally, we have the opportunity to review our own roles, not just in the workplace, but in life too. Are you passionate about your work - or are you just muddling through? Are new opportunities presented to you personally through change - within or without the place where you work today? What is your personal passion and how do you work towards making that how you spend every day of your life?Hey change can be fun, if you let it be. You life can be a straight line, and if you saw that one ER, what would it mean...

By Martin Haworth

C-R-I-T-I-C-I-S-M

Yuk!

One thing, I really have a problem with is criticism. Oh I can do the criticism. That I can do. It's too easy (but that's not today's point!) Receiving it, well that's another story. So, today, from now on, I thought I need to take it like a mature, grown person. I don't want it to bother me so much. How do I do that? Well I started reading up on the subject and this is what I gathered.

This is what criticism does to you.



Criticism is nothing more that an observation made by another person, one that we don't necessarily agree with.



Criticism is directed at our actions and the way we think.



Criticism makes us defensive and wanting to justify our actions. It makes us want to point the finger and so on...



Our defense mechanism takes an enormous amount of mental energy, which usually leaves us angry, hurt, and with negative feelings towards the other person.How to deal with criticism.

Read this. About agreeing with the criticism ?!?!?

Let say that you simply acknowledge it. OK. Don't believe every single criticism is true or accurate or you will end up feeling like dirt and your self-esteem will turn into mush. No, but sometimes simply agreeing with the criticism will alleviate it.

Two things will happen.

First, someone else has had the opportunity to express himself or herself freely. This person has given you an opinion that you might never have even thought of even though you might not entirely agree with it.

Second, you learn something about yourself, which may be true.

And the best part; no anger, no tension, no hurt feeling. Healthy communication.

Now, how do I accept criticism?

I tried it with my spouse. Here is the conversation:

Him: "You are always late!" The famous "YOU". I reflected for 5 seconds and replied:

Me: "You are right, I am often late." Because it's true, I tend to be late occasionally, well? often.

It's was much easier to agree than to defend myself; and a good point was made (I can be more punctual, I know I can do better).

No hard feelings or anger and that was that. What a difference.

Reacting negatively automatically to criticism will have nothing but a negative effect. Acknowledging criticism and really considering it will lessen conflict and miscommunication.

I can live with that.

Can you try it?

Till next time,

Lynne

"To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." -Elbert Hubbard

"If you have no critics you'll likely have no success." -Malcolm X

"Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man's growth without destroying his roots."

By Frank A. Clark

How To Reduce Anxiety When Affirmations Dont Work

Have you ever read that you should think positively when you are feeling anxious?

Have you ever been told to argue back when you have negative thoughts?

*How's that working for you?*

*Why do affirmations only sometimes produce results?*

Because as we argue back to our negative and irrational thoughts, we don't always believe the new things we are telling ourselves.

What we really believe is our original thoughts - the thoughts that have led us to feel anxiety in the first place.

The other reason that affirmation sometimes produce limited results is that we might not really believe that saying the affirmations will create change in our lives.

*So why do affirmations come so highly recommended?*

*How are these affirmations supposed to work?*

If you can get yourself to begin to believe them, if you can begin to see a kernel of truth in what you are saying, then affirmations may help you to install new, more helpful beliefs.

New beliefs!

That is the key to permanently and more positively changing how we feel and react to the world around us.

There is a difference between what we really believe and all of the infinite number of possible thoughts that we are capable of thinking - which we may or may not believe.

It is the thoughts that we really believe that seem to possess the power.

Rather than the thoughts that are positive yet not believable.

Our beliefs are the source of the actions we take. We act ultimately based on what we believe to be true.

It is possible to use affirmations to bring a conscious effort to alter our actions.

But if we do not believe that this new perspective or thought that we are affirming is going to be effective, then we will revert back to what we really believe beneath the self-imposed, positive thoughts.

If you can begin to agree with the thoughts and affirmations you are feeding yourself, you will begin to act from them. And you will indeed be in the process of changing your beliefs.

*It can be done through affirmations*

But what's the key?

There has to be something in there that you believe, that you can see as true in some way.

It probably won't work if you see the affirmations as touchy-feely mumbo-jumbo.

*The caveat for anxiety sufferers*

For anxiety sufferers, however, the affirmation process may have a limited and disappointing effect.

Here's why:

If we go into a social situation where we normally feeling significant amounts of anxiety and try to affirm our way through the experience, old beliefs may very easily strong arm our fragile, new, positive thoughts. And create a nerve-wracking experience.

And, as a result of this nerve-wracking experience, affirmations will look like a very ineffective tool.

It is in the deeper realm of our beliefs that the power for having a permanently altered, more calm experience lies.

Go there and see a difference in your feelings of anxiety!

By Sarah Malik

Gain Confidence By Avoiding The Trap Past Experiences Can Give You In Life

One of the biggest potential problems we face with every action we take are our past experiences. In fact, as humans the only reference we have whenever we take some kind of action are our past experiences. There is nothing else we can go by for an indication of expected results.

I'm sure you can already see how this can affect your level of confidence?

If your past experiences were good, it will be a huge confidence builder for you. However, if your past experiences were unpleasant, you will have a huge lack of self confidence.

Unfortunately, this is total nonsense. Although humans need confirmation to feel safe and secure, which our past experiences can provide, they also eliminate the option of "the result may be different this time" which is one of the paralyzing elements many people face when they lack confidence.

They get stuck in that process of automatically falling back on past experiences and results and selling themselves on it, rather than becoming aware of the past but allowing other options into the equation.

You may have experienced this before. No matter how many times you confront a situation where you lack the confidence to take assertive action, you continually lock yourself into the mindset and body language of previous results, instead of really analyzing all the options available. This virtually guarantees the same result every time, because you convince yourself into believing this is your only chance, choice or option.

Don't let past experiences or results paralyze you, your views, actions or results. It only kills your self-confidence. You can open up possibilities that you never thought possible with a little alteration of your thinking pattern. Be resistant to your natural reactions. When you start to see yourself think, "Here we go again. I'm going to fail again", you need to interrupt your thoughts, take a step back or take a moment to think what other outcomes are possible and be optimistic as well as realistic with what you can achieve.

When I face this situation, I like to I use other people as inspiration. I say to myself, "If others can do it, so can I" (even when I have failed at this task before). This thought and belief process really works.

Example: Getting a birdie in golf (for you non-golfers, this means that you get the ball in the hole in one less stroke than is "suggested") Before we progress, I must confess, I only play about twice a year, so achieving this would be almost a miracle at the moment for me. But if I took the time to play more, take it seriously, maybe get some coaching etc, I'm sure I'd be able to achieve it at some point in time.

Now it's very unlikely I will achieve this in the first twenty attempts or so. But even though I "failed" to achieve or succeed in this goal, it doesn't mean I will never do it. With some positive thinking, feelings and attitude about getting a birdie one day, I can start gaining self-confidence and one day achieve the desired result.

In fact, if you stick with it long enough with the right positive surroundings (coach, thinking, feeling, confidence, attitude etc), success in anything is almost inevitable, including: getting a job, getting a promotion, picking up a girl/guy, getting a phone number, making conversations with a stranger, negotiating for a car, house (or anything for that matter), starting a business, becoming a professional athlete, movie star or musician, and the list is endless.

Just remember, that each time you try something, it's not your last chance. There is always a next time. So don't put too much emphasis or importance on the task you are trying to accomplish. Just because you can't do it now, doesn't mean you will never be able to. It's not the end of your confidence or the world.

When you feel the butterflies flying in your stomach, follow these steps:

Stop.

Take a step back from the situation.

Analyze why you are feeling a lack of confidence.

Find the positive sides of the situation.

Look for alternative views, thoughts and methods of getting the job done.

Take action.

Don't worry about the result. If it doesn't work out, you have next time to improve (repeat steps 1-7 again).

Confidently Yours,


By Rohan Cox

Personal Assignments for Great Self-Esteem

Do you wish you had high self-confidence? Some of us go through our life fighting against that feeling that we are just 'not good enough'. We convince ourselves that we don't matter and that we don't deserve to amount to anything?..but what price do we pay? The fact is that many people are lacking is self-esteem, yet feel powerless to do anything about it. Poor self esteem needs to be addressed with a vengeance; it affects your emotional and physical wellbeing and really reduces the quality of your life. So it's time to take action and raise the bar right now. Here are some tips to help you get started:

'Not Good Enough' compared To Whom?

Fair question? Alright then?I have a challenge for you: The next time you start to berate yourself for 'not being good enough', I want you to ask yourself: 'what exactly is my benchmark'? Be specific; to what or whom, have you compared yourself to reach the conclusion that you are not good enough? If you can learn nothing else from reading this article, then know this; constantly comparing yourself with other people is a no-win exercise! So the next time you fall into this futile habit, take a breath and say to yourself:

I like and respect myself exactly as I am

Everybody Hates Me

'Everybody hates me, nobody likes me, I'm going out the back to eat worms...' Do you remember that song? As children, we used to sing this over and over, and then fall to the ground laughing hysterically...but the sad truth is that feeling as though the world is against you is no laughing matter. So how do you get around that feeling? Well, one way is to cultivate the habit of assumption. Here's how it works;

I meet lots of new people every week in my line of work. Now, I could get myself into a fluster worrying about whether or not they will like me and whether or not they will respect my opinion?.but I know from experience, that this is futile. So to make my life easier, I make a conscious effort to assume then every person I meet will like me...and that I will like them.

This technique works because what you give out comes back to you; communication is 55% body language, and people pick up on your internal signals. Think how much easier it is going to be to always meet people who like you! It certainly beats being in a constant state of panic.

What if what if what if

Are you a 'what-if-maniac'? Do you imagine the worst possible scenario for every situation you encounter? If so, you could be worrying yourself into an early grave. Next time you get an attack of the 'what-ifs', I would like you to create in your mind's eye, a 'What-if-box'. This box has a one way opening, and each time you have a negative thought or emotion of the catastrophizing kind, send it straight through that one-way opening of your what-if-box. The worrying thoughts will still be there if you need to go back and re-visit them, so just let them stay in the box; and while they are in there, you will be free to get on with the important things in your life!

Know Thy Self

What does self-esteem mean for you? What do you need to do, say or be to gain greater confidence and self-reliance? More importantly, how can you improve if you don't know this? You need to get clear about what you want and only then can you begin to make plans to get it. Write it down and while you are doing this, remember to write down what you want, not what you don't want. This is the language your subconscious mind understands.

When you concentrate on self-development and make plans, you gain a sense of control over your destiny, and it helps you to feel better about yourself. So start writing today!

Stand Tall

Do you stand with your back straight and your shoulders square? Or do you look at the ground when you walk and hunch over? If you want to be confident, then start with your body language. Send the message to your subconscious mind that you matter; watch your physical posture - straighten up, walk tall and look other people straight in the eye when you talk to them. You'll be amazed at how this small thing can make all the difference; and furthermore, other people will sense your charisma-oozing body language and begin to treat you differently. Try this today; it works!

*** You are licensed to publish this article free of charge, on condition that the author's name is included, and the link to her website remains visible and clickable to human readers, and as long as the links can be read and followed by the search engine spiders. ***

By Sonia Devine

Balanced Living: 18 Steps

A balanced life not only leaves you feeling more fulfilled; you will become healthier in body as well as mind. Ponder on each step below. One per day is the ideal. If you rush then you are failing before you begin. Taking your time over anything is the first positive step to a sustainable success in all things. Anything worthwhile - they say - is worth waiting for. Today we cannot wait for anything - allow your self the luxury of slowing down and discover you will actually achieve more.

1. Slow down! 2. Emotions: Keep them in check. 3. Choice is yours. 4. Do not hang onto negativity: just let go. 5. Write down your goals and plan. 6. Learn to enjoy silence. 7. Discover something beautiful each and everyday on which to meditate. 8. Simplify life; offload cumbersome baggage. 9. Develop a balanced sense of humor. 10. Develop a discerning manner. 11. Do not pretend; you only fool yourself. 12. Celebrate life; no matter what the circumstances. 13. Accept you cannot control everything. 14. Only you can make you happy; and then share this with others. 15. Selfishness is like masturbation. 16. Anger serves no master; you degrade yourself in anger. 17. Find time to be alone every day. 18. Learn the art of having a quiet sense of humor.

These are heading only. They have not been unpacked for you. It is for you to contemplate and think about each heading and apply it into you life. It is not difficult but will take commitment on your part. Without commitment, we should not expect results.

Positive Attitude is Not Enough

Contrary to the popular saying "attitude is everything" attittude is not enough. You can have the right attitude and all the motivation in the world and still wind up playing "dead atheist."

You know, all dressed up and nowhere to go!

The key is that the right attitude must be followed by the right actions. That's the bottom line of the doing part you mentioned in your question.

Renowned motivational expert Anthony Robbins says that one of the keys to success is to "take action." In his work with getting people to take action, Robbins speaks often of "massive, intelligent action."

I've taken that concept and expanded on it a bit, and created a concept called "CMICA (pronounced ka-mee-ka). CMICA stands for Consistent, Massive, Intelligent, Creative Action. Let's look at each of these key factors below.

Consistent - For action to be successful, it has to be consistent. My friends in the health club industry tell me that January is the time of year when the most people will join a health club or gym. A very few will then show up and work out regularly. A few others will show up occassionaly. My friends tell me that most people show up once or twice and then are never seen again.

Seems like that's how we often approach taking action. "Well, I did it a couple of times and it just didn't work for me." Yeah right.

Nothing other than small, consistent, daily actions will bring you the success you desire.

Massive - Massive action simply means to "do all the necessary things" to get you where you want to go. Not a few, not some, not most, but ALL necessary things required to get your goal.

A common question at this point is "what are all the necessary thinngs I need to do?" That's a goog question, which leads us to........

Intelligent - The great news here is that the wheel has already been invented. By this I mean that what you what to accomplish has probably already been done. Through the process of modelling, we simply need to find someone who has done or is doing what we want to do and model their keys to success. Rememer, if it's possible in the world, it's possible for you.

At the same time, don't confuse activity with achievement. Make sure you are spending your time and energy on actions that get you closer the to your goal, and are not simply busy work.

Creative - If you want to really have some fun, be creative in your actions. While you are taking intelligent action, also ask the question "How can I do this in ways that have never been done before?"

Here's a four step process to get your creativity going:

1) Precisely define your goal.

2) Identify efforts that have not worked in the past and drop them.

3) Come up with crazy, silly, bizzare, outlandish ways to achieve your goal, that you would never do, but are fun to think about.

4) Come up with creative ideas that will get you where you want to go. Sometimes the seeds for these creative ideas are in the crazy ideas. Other times, simply laughing at the crazy ideas will boost your creative juices for other solutions.

Action - Consistent, massive, intelligent, creatice ACTION is the path to success.

Remember, trying is not doing. Doing is doing. Oh, and one last thing before I close: get out there and do it!

Do You Neglect The Power Of Your Mind?

James Allen, who wrote the masterpiece, As a Man Thinketh, talks about the vital power of the mind in creating success. "All that a man achieves and all that he fails to achieve is the direct results of his own thoughts. In a justly ordered universe, where loss of equipoise would mean total destruction, individual responsibility must be absolute. A man's weakness and strength, purity and impurity, are his own, and not another man's; they are brought about by himself, and not by another; and they can only be altered by himself, never another. His condition is also his own, and not another man's. His suffering had his happiness are evolved from within. As he thinks, so is he as he continues to think, so he remains."

We neglect our minds by allowing them to be conditioned, by habits, by environment, by our social systems, and when things go wrong, we blame it on others, or events outside our control, but, in truth, we are the one's responsible...for our minds are perfectly capable of rising to the occasion, of creating original thoughts based on fresh perceptions. Those who use the mind well may produce sublime works of art or science, create great fortunes, discover new worlds. An alert, well-ordered mind is a powerful asset.

Do you neglect the power of your mind?

Do you, for example, ask your mind for terrible things? Thoughts create effects, on your body, in your personal interactions, and in the environment. They are dynamic. Even a passive thought is having some kind of effect on your internal organs or the way your biochemistry works. Do you ask your mind for ill-health, poverty, fear, ignorance, bad habits, incompetence, misfortune? If you are experiencing any such conditions it is because you have specifically directed your mind that way. Or do you, simply, not use your mind to create your reality, but merely respond to your environment, acting reflexively, without original thought or perception, without much awareness, lulled into a mind-numbing routine.

The mind is vital to creation. If it is used well, it can produce thoughts that create a magical reality around you. However, if , for one reason or another, you have become a slave to habits, to autonomic thought processes, to reflexive behavior and unoriginal thinking, then your thoughts will produce poor results in your life, and, you might throw away a fortune.


By Saleem Rana

Being Assertive

Many people find it extremely difficult to be assertive, whether it is in the work place, or in their personal lives. All too often, there is confusion between being assertive and being aggressive. It is my belief that you lose credibility and the moral high ground as soon as you show any signs of aggression.

There are some very simple principles to being assertive.

EXPECTATION

Expect to be listened to, you'll be amazed at the difference there is when you are mentally prepared. Think about the lion tamer. If he shows fear the animal will know and attack.

Set clear expectations of yourselves and others; don't expect other people to read what is in your mind. Articulate exactly what you expect from them and why.

Creating positive boundaries is important. We all feel at our most comfortable if we know how far we can go. Take control of the situation and set out your expectations.

PHYSICAL PRESENCE

How you use body language can make a huge difference to the way others treat us. It is part of the "expect to be listened to." Hold your head up high, be a force to be reckoned with. If you look intimidated others will be intimidating. Be careful not to intimidate others.

If you are on home territory think about how you arrange the room and plan your engagement with others. Where you sit, whether you use a desk or sit on comfortable chairs at equal height all have a bearing on how the interaction with others will work. Be careful not to give mixed messages.

If you are about to haul someone over the coals keep the situation formal.

USE OF VOICE

The tone of voice has a major impact on whether you will be heard, take a deep breath so that your voice is sustained. Think about the message you want to give. Be wary of the following: the shout, nag, whine, Uriah Heap (I'm ever so 'umble". You do not need to raise your voice, simply state what you want to say in a matter or fact voice without heat. Try it out in the privacy of your bedroom.

Be careful to use a voice which can be heard, is interesting in pitch and delivery. Breathe properly and protect your vocal cords.

BE PREPARED

If you are prepared you will speak with more authority, be better able to deal with the things that come up. Plan what you want to say, this is particularly important if you are to speaking to a group of people.

CREATE RAPPORT

During any introduction it is important to connect with the group you work with. Be open, friendly, smile and feel in control. It will have a positive impact on the person or the group.

THINK OF THE LANGUAGE YOU USE

It can be extremely powerful. If you start with a positive statement it sets the tone. If you constantly ask people to do you a favour they will begin to believe they are doing you a favour rather than it be part of their job. "I would like you to ??" is a better style.

REMEMBER TO THANK

If people have done what was asked it is really important that you acknowledge their effort. They will be far more inclined to put themselves out again in the future.

USE HUMOUR

But appropriately. Never at your clients or colleagues expense.

IF YOU DO NOT GET WHAT YOU WANT

Be calm, be persistent and stay in control. Repeat what you want and why. Ask them to consider the implications of not doing as you request. Don't threaten, bully or shout. Stick to your guns and if you outline a consequence it is important that you carry it out.

Those who find being assertive difficult often assume that everyone else finds it easy. The reality is that most people can feel anxious or wrong footed in some situations. I find it fascinating that when you talk to someone who appears supremely confident the reality is often very different. Acting confident is what makes the difference - you can do it too with a little bit of practice.

Independent Consultant, writer and life-coach Gina Gardiner works with others supporting them to make the best of their potential.

Described by Ofsted as an "inspirational leader" and by Investors in People as an "impressive coach and exceptional mentor. who has developed an innovative and exemplary training scheme" for the development of emergent, middle and senior managers.

By Gina

CHANGE: Do You Do It? or Does It Undo You?

It has been said that CHANGE is THE only constant. Change is all around us every day and every day our lives our changing. It CAN'T be avoided. We can't bury our heads in the sand or a favored pillow and pretend it isn't there.

? Sometimes it creeps up slowly: over time we've gotten older, gradually the kids grow and leave, incrementally our health fails.

? Other times it is thrust on us: "out of the blue" divorce is upon us, our work demands that we relocate, we are moved from one level of success to another.

? Or sometimes we wake up and realize we have to make a change: we have all of the money and lifestyle trappings we want but something is not right at the core, we are not where we want to be at this stage of life, we can't see what is next.

Change is like the water that our lives are held in and the question becomes do you know how to navigate your boat, yacht or life raft into and through the current of change to the best place possible? When you don't navigate the waterways well you can be lost at sea for much too long, your resources and dreams are depleted, you can be reduced to just existing. Recovering from an experience like this can be costly, eat up valuable time and leave you jaded or disillusioned. Your life energy is sapped. And you are left confused and fearful.

But change can be the great awakener. In retrospect it can be the best thing that ever happened to you. It can contain rewards that you never dreamed of. But in order to access THAT level of change you have to be the captain of the change. You have to muster all of your internal and external resources, all of your navigational skill and make it work FOR you- whatever the change is.

If you don't do something new in the face of change you often merely create the same outworn results. If you don't change your strategy you repeat old patterns of behavior and thinking. You miss the larger possibility and you don't create the life you really want for yourself and your family.

One of my current clients is a woman who came to me during a huge health, financial and relocation crisis. Change was upon her, big time, on almost all levels you can imagine. She had a recurrence of a cancer-based disease; she had to move across country, her finances were scarily low. In our work together she has moved from that place of deep insecurity and confusion to a place where she is settled, more at peace with herself than she has ever been and is now growing a remarkably successful wholesale business. She is fulfilling the dream of the kind of business and life she has always wanted for herself. She could never have done this without the right kind of support and she is the first one to attest to that.

Another client has suffering from divorce and loss that was blocking her from finishing her dissertation. She was stuck in self-doubt, procrastination, with no vision of the future. She is now close to finishing her dissertation and the last months have been exceedingly rich and empowering for her. Visions of her next steps are forming. She is excited about possibilities where previously she could not sense a direction.

Both decided to take change and make it work for them. They found the support, accessed the resources and built the determination that was needed to navigate into a current that is moving them clearly and safely forward. In looking at their process and that of other clients I have seen a progression of steps that occur when you are moving through change.

Sign up for a F.r.e.e eClass that will give you the tools you need to engineer effective Change at http://www.conniebutler.biz/change_signup.php

As the change happens you normally:

Choke - this is the time when you feel overwhelmed, confused, fearful and often do nothing. Spending too much time in this phase can seriously undermine your energy, usurp your resources and make it more difficult to deal with the change. Handle the Hurdles - You "wake up" and realize you have to do SOMETHING, sometimes anything. Occasionally people in this phase can see the priorities and begin to handle them- more often they avoid the most important issues in an effort to just do something.

Access Support - This is the turning point. You realize that you cannot do it on your own. You need a trusted ear. You require someone who can see through the confusion of the change and help you build a viable plan of action. Albert Einstein said that we cannot solve a problem on the same level at which it was created. In order to find that other level you need someone who can look at the whole picture, someone who isn't clouded by the emotional responses, someone who has your best interests in mind.

New Possibilities - Embedded in each change is a possibility. If you continue an old pattern of behavior or thinking - you will miss it. Unfortunately we are often myopic when it comes to recognizing creative solutions. This step requires someone to help you see and hold the larger possibility, the picture that you may be missing.

Grow to the Next Level - This is the part that many people skip over. If you do - the whole gift that is at the center of the change will elude you. In order to "do the change", make it work FOR you, it is essential that you develop the qualities, the skills, and the heart to effectively work with the change. As you do this you begin to recognize whole new levels of satisfaction and power within yourself. These developments are yours- you will use them in everything else you attempt in life. They become second nature.

Enjoy - This is the fabulous stage when you can step back and look at the whole experience you have been through. You recognize yourself as the prime navigator of the change. You can feel the sun of success, the warm breezes of pleasure as you begin to really ENJOY where you have arrived. And you KNOW that if needed you can navigate CHANGE again.

If you are going through a divorce, or if success has been yours and you still find yourself unsatisfied, or if there is a new change that has occurred or is on the horizon - give yourself the gift of the effective support and mentoring that will move you through it to the warm, safe harbor you desire..

Life Changing Attitude

Do you really believe that there is anything in this world that is impossible?
I'm 21 and I had to grow up at accelerated rates because of multiple circumstances in my life. One of them was the divorce of my parents, my mother had no money and my father didn't seem to care about me and my brother. And to make it clear "no money" means that we didn't have enough even for food.
Now, I'm not saying these things so you can feel pity for me. I'm telling you because somehow I managed to survive, I found a Way.
Today I make 2000 euros a month, I know it's not a fortune but at least I have a budget that is 4 times more than the average budget in Greece and this amount grows every minute even as I write this article. By the way my father make less money than that.
How did I manage to make it while I didn't have a quarter of a penny in my pocket? ATTITUDE is the answer, I never ever stopped learning about anything that could be learned and that made me look like Guru in my circle of influence. Even with no money I had the most beautiful girls and the highest grades of all. When someone had a problem I was the one who solved it.
Imagine how it is like to have your own problems and the problems of others. It's great, why? Because you get feedback from all the flanks, imagine yourself like a giant sponge whose only job is to soak information. It gives you an edge over the entire community, simply because people can't cope with their own problems and helping you with yours is out of consideration. Can't cope? Or so they think.
You see I wasn't always like that till family problems "made me" take Responsibility. I had no one to rely upon except myself and to tell the truth I felt like I was Lost in complications and trouble. At that point I gave a promise to myself that no matter how many troubles I had I Would Succeed in Life. I was so determined that I slept only 3 to 4 hours a day.
What I did find out, was that the key to get what you want is ATTITUDE and not just any attitude but the right attitude. Let's say you want to get rich, in order to get rich and successful you must behave like rich and successful people even if you are starving to death. You must believe you deserve to be rich and I don't mean some superficial belief deep in your head, rather a strong conviction that you do deserve what you ask for.
When you have that kind of convictions and determination people will start treat you the way you deserve. It's a weird thing but most people form an "Opinion" based on things you believe about yourself, so if you believe you are rich you will be perceived like one, if you believe you deserve to be respected you will be respected. In time those same people, will make your "false" conviction come True. The future "You" is made from the present "belief of" you.
The only restriction of what you can achieve is your Imagination. Imagine the best "YOU" in every detail and you will certainly become this "YOU".
Your Friend,
John Giagkiozis Publishes Self Improvement Tips, he is dedicated helping people like You! If you're looking for the Home Business Opportunity that will make your Dreams Come True, information and helpful support from an honest friend in the business, come by and subscribe for